Tuesday, February 28, 2006



Here's an excerpt from my archive site
www.JackOffLand.com


"This tiny red dress was purchased at an online store. I had actually been trying to buy a long red dress to wear at a club in London that required the strippers to wear full-length "gowns" when they were working. I've never liked what I call "gown" clubs since the purpose of a strip club is to show some skin and the customers are there to see tits and ass no matter what the management wants to pretend. I'm a biker bar kind of person who likes down-to-earth people and can't stand pretentious attitudes. "Gown" clubs tend toattract the type of folks I don't get along with very well.. "

See the full gallery and read the rest of the story at
www.JackOffLand.com
now!


www.JackOffLand.com/join.html


- XXOO Tanya

Monday, February 27, 2006


I must have been feeling melancholy on that rainy afternoon. People in traffic around me were looking for opportunities to switch lanes, cut each other off, and accelerate with a flourish of gear-shifting noises. I wondered half-heartedly why they felt it was so important to arrive at their destinations 2 minutes earlier than if they had just stayed in one lane and gone with the flow. Everybody was in too much of a needless rush these days. They were frantic to go nowhere. As I pondered my life in the slow lane a bright red BMW 650ci passed me illegally on the shoulder of the road and roared into my lane just inches in front of me. I was forced to slam on the brakes with such force that my body lurched forward and my coffee flew out of the drink holder between the seats. When I regained my composure I could see the red Beemer cutting in and out of lanes ahead of me. All that was visible of the driver were her platinum blonde hair and her well-manicured hand flicking a cigarette out the window.

Half an hour later I arrived at my shoot. I noticed a gleaming red 650 parked in the driveway of the location as I pulled in. All of a sudden the proverbial dime dropped in my head. That was Stacy Burke's vehicle and she was the bitch who cut me off on the freeway! I stormed into the studio and confronted her. At first she looked startled, but then she laughed in my face and said: "I can't believe that was you driving that piece-of-shit Volkswagen!" She was still laughing when I smacked her upside her platinum blonde head. All her mirth was quickly forgotten as this ugly battle quickly escalated to outrageous proportions..


- XXOO Tanya

Sunday, February 26, 2006

VOTE FOR ME
This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Thursday, February 23, 2006


Good evening,

Would you like to have my black lace micro-bikini? And the copy of Private Dancer magazine in which I'm wearing it?

Please check out my auctions by clicking on Merchandise in the toolbar above!


- XXOO Tanya

Monday, February 20, 2006


Good evening,

Here is an excerpt from my archive site www.JackOffLand.com :

"The only time I worked with (name withheld) was during the making of a superheroine-themed 'Megababe' video. I was Megababe and (name withheld) was the evil villain. These photos were taken the day we shot the video. (Name withheld) really got into her villain role. So into it that the cameraman called me as he was editing the video afterward to ask if I was OK. He said he was not aware during the filming that (name withheld) was so violent. Copies of the finished video are presumably still available at www.CustomVideosPlus.com. For the record, I found (name withheld) to be a nice lady. I think her aggressiveness arose from her zeal to make a good video, rather than from the mere desire to beat me up. That makes a big difference when one has to endure repeated blows to the face and applications of burning candle wax to the body during the course of a shoot.."



Find out the identity of "name withheld" at www.JackOffLand.com now!


- XXOO Tanya

Monday, February 13, 2006


Good morning,

This tribute to the Monday traffic commute comes from my friend Joe. Thanks, Joe!


- XXOO Tanya

Friday, February 10, 2006



Good evening,

My roommate Jewell Marceau was dating a 38-year-old guy who lived with his mother so he could make the $1000 monthly payments on his Mercedes. Does that type of situation happen anywhere else besides L.A.? Are there other cities where people drive around in what amounts to their net worth? Wouldn't it be disturbing to realize that your net worth was a depreciating asset? I don't know the answer to those questions, but I do know that I had to make Jewell get rid of that loser. I absolutely forbade her to bring him over to our place. Not only that, I threw out every picture she had of him, and everything he had ever given her. Jewell accepted all this with very little resistance. It was a bit suspicious how compliant she was being. Of course I had to search her bedroom to see if there was evidence that she might possibly be flouting the rules. Good thing I did because I found a bottle of lube! She denied that she was still seeing the Mercedes-driving shithead, but I was not convinced. It seemed to me that a little dose of physical brutality might very well help her rethink her dating habits.

Check inside my Playhouse to see this nasty catfight erupt!


- XXOO Tanya

Tuesday, February 07, 2006


Stacy Burke and I often get hired for custom videos together. Recently a gentleman prepaid us for one. We told him to spend as much time as he needed to come up with the perfect script. A few days went by and I decided to take his money to the dog park to double our earnings. Everything was going great until I lost all the money. A blue-haired granny at the table next to me informed me that a novice like myself wasn't ready to "run with the big dogs yet." I felt like smacking the shit out of her. I checked that impulse and went on home to inform Stacy that I'd blown the money. Of course I cleaned the story up a bit and told her that I'd been mugged on my way to the grocery store. She didn't buy it. Not for a second. She also didn't fancy the idea of doing an hourlong custom video for free. Before I knew it, she was throwing a pair of boxing gloves in my face and we were getting ready to duke it out right there in the living room..

You can see the outcome of this battle royale right inside my Playhouse..


- XXOO Tanya

Sunday, February 05, 2006



Good morning,

A short while ago I began accepting money order payments for my archive site
www.JackOffLand.com
If you wish to join via money order I have developed special membership rates just for you:

1 month membership - $9.95

3 month membership - $25.00

6 month membership - $50.00

Yearlong membership - $100.00 (Our best deal!)

For further instructions please visit
www.JackOffLand.com/join.html



I look forward to seeing you there :)

- XXOO Tanya

Thursday, February 02, 2006


Another day, another fight in my Playhouse:

It's been awhile since Carolyn Monroe and I hung out together. Still, she's been over to my place at least a thousand times and it seemed unnecessary for her to ask why I have silver tinsel decorating my table lamp. Not only did it seem unnecessary, it also appeared that the question might have been intended as a pointed insult. Here I'd been expecting Carolyn to relax and swill a few beers with me, and instead I found myself fielding queries about my furniture. I'm not a decorator. I didn't even put that tinsel there for effect. Somehow it ended up on my lamp after a drunken night of debauchery when I was dancing around naked on my balcony with the shade on my head. Carolyn knew that already. Was she trying to make me feel self-conscious about my excessive drinking? Why would she attempt the impossible? Was I misinterpreting her question? Who cared anyways? I was already one sixpack into my evening and her flippant tone was all the justification I needed to bash her perfect 36DDs into my industrial carpet..

Check inside my Playhouse to see this violent, drunken spectacle!


- XXOO Tanya