"Expand the Use of Your Existing Assets"

Stacy Burke and I dance at the same club. Actually, Stacy doesn't work there very often anymore. She is moving into a different career altogether and she loves to rub it in my face whenever she gets a chance. A few weeks ago she made one of her rare appearances at the bar. It was pretty annoying to see some of my regular customers throwing large amounts of cash at her each time she went on stage. She wasn't even trying that hard. Her dance routine consisted of her parading slowly around the stage flashing a big grin and her bare boobs. She would spend the last minute of her song gathering up the mounds of tip money on the rail rather than continuing to put on a show. It bugged the shit out of me to see the rapt adulation on the faces of many of the bar patrons as they stared at her pretty face and slim body. I grew increasingly incensed when one whiskey-drinking gentleman beckoned me to his table and asked me to introduce him to Stacy. I just walked away without bothering to tell him to fuck off.

Forty five minutes later Stacy was in the dressing room packing up her belongings. Where was she going? The night shift did not end for another 4 hours. Stacy snottily informed me that she was going home so the other dancers could make some money. The implication was clear: Stacy knew she was better looking than the other girls in the bar and now she was pretending to feel sorry for us! What a complete fucking bitch. Sadly, I was just relieved that she was leaving. I knew I'd start making money after she took off because my competition would be gone. I swallowed back my feelings of bitter resentment and began retouching my makeup in the mirror. Having a profitable evening would certainly help heal my wounded pride. I could barely wait until Stacy was gone. It did seem to be taking an inordinate amount of time for her to count her money.

She must have caught one of the impatient sidelong glances I was shooting in her direction because all of a sudden she strode towards me with a fistful of money in her hand. "You know," she began, "it really would behoove you not to spend so much time in the dressing room. You are not as pretty as you used to be and every minute counts in your dwindling dancing career. Do yourself a favor and go mingle with some customers. You really need to expand the use of your existing assets. Those assets are not going to be attractive for much longer. I've seen how much vodka you drink- just imagine what you are going to look like when you are 30."

Both the cruelty and the pomposity of her statement hit me like two separate slaps in the face. All I could think to say was: "Give me your damn money, bitch! I am going to take ALL your motherfucking money, you stuck-up little twat!!"

Our battle was as prolonged as it was ugly. Strip clubs always have cameras in the dressing rooms to help indemnify themselves in legal proceedings that may arise from melees between raging strippers. You can check out the resulting footage from this episode inside my Playhouse right now..if you think you won't be too revolted by the hairpulling, breast clawing, choking, punching, etc.

-XXOO Tanya

America should consider following the Canadian tactic for interrupting financing of terrorist operations.


Due to the global war on terrorism, many terrorist organizations have had their finances frozen. Consequently, they have resorted to counterfeiting.


The Canadians have decided to redesign their currency to prevent the radical Islamists from even touching it! It is also hoped that this will have a positive effect on tourism.


- XXOO Tanya

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Carolyn Monroe had an obsessed fan. For years he would write her letters and send her cassette tape recordings of himself discussing their supposed relationship. He felt very strongly that Carolyn loved him as much as he loved her, but that she was afraid to reveal her emotions. In fact, he claimed to have spotted her following him around his neighborhood and lurking outside his apartment. He spent long amounts of time on each tape exhorting Carolyn to stop denying her love for him. He wanted her to approach him the next time she saw him instead of just continuing to pursue him surreptitiously. In the midst of one of his tapes it occurred to him that it might be easier if she just waited for him inside his apartment when he was at work. I could hear the tinkling of the icecubes in his glass of iced tea as he pondered this new notion. By the way, I was the only person who listened to these tapes when they arrived. Carolyn was too sickened by their content to get any amusement out of them at all. And, incidentally, I knew he was drinking iced tea because he always made certain to describe exactly what he was doing, wearing, and eating while he recorded his messages.

Carolyn's fan became progressively enamored of his new idea. He really wanted Carolyn to let herself into his place while he was at his office and wait for him until he got home. Coincidentally, or perhaps not, this gentleman lived in Los Angeles. It was not long before a key to his apartment and a map of his neighborhood arrived in Carolyn's post office box. Of course another cassette tape was in the package as well. This time her fan was in the tub and I could hear him splashing around as he described his apartment and the amenities therein. He told her there was ice cream in the freezer and fresh strawberries in the refrigerator. She was welcome to any of the food in his place. She could also relax in the bathtub or play video games until he got home. He worked from 9AM-5PM Monday through Friday. In a short addendum he also mentioned the exact length of each of his electrical cord extensions and the exact dimensions of his apartment.

So there I was. I shut off the tape recorder and looked at the key I was holding in my hand. Would it be so wrong just to check out his place while he was at work? I love doing weird stuff. Would it really be detrimental to any of our lives if I went over there just once? The short answer to both of those questions was "yes," but I felt compelled to seek another opinion. I called my friend Brian to get his take on the situation.

The following Tuesday Brian and I were in the dude's apartment eating ice cream and playing Nintendo. Everything about the place seemed completely normal. You would never have guessed that its inhabitant spent hundreds of hours narrating messages to a pornstar and had offhand knowledge of the precise measurements of all his extension cords. Even though we found his abode to be very comfortable Brian and I decided to leave well before 5PM so we didn't have to meet him. We left our ice cream dishes in the sink, turned off the TV, and recorked what was left of a bottle of wine.

As we left the apartment we noticed two women in a neighboring unit looking at us with undisguised curiosity. We managed to restrain our laughter until we got back to the car. On the way home I tried to think of any possible repercussions for our actions. It's not really "breaking and entering" if you have a key, is it? After all, he'd given me the key. Well, actually he hadn't. Still, when he arrived home he was just going to think that Carolyn had stopped by. The neighbors might mention that they had seen a busty blonde, (housewives of their ilk would probably throw the term "bimbo" somewhere into their description too), with a pale guy who sported a spiky blonde hairdo.

Hmm..Carolyn's fan might trip out on this. Brian suggested that I tell Carolyn to get a new P.O. box someplace else. I knew he was right so I told Carolyn the whole story when I got home that night. She freaked out. Things got ugly really fast.

I knew I'd done something wrong, but I still wasn't going to let her beat my ass. This altercation turned into a real street brawl - you can see the carnage inside my Playouse now..


- XXOO Tanya

Good evening,

A few moments ago I was looking for a suitable Memorial Day photo and came across a gallery at my archive site
www.JackOffLand.com
The words I had written to accompany the photos sum up my sentiments pretty well:

I've always been a big supporter in spirit of our US military. That seems inadequate while we have troops dying at war now, and I feel I should do more than utter such sentiments. Over the years though, I have always notice that Playhouse members seemed to enjoy military-themed updates on my site. The bikini I'm wearing in this gallery bears real US Navy patches that were given to me by a former sailor in Nashville. I put more of the patches on a matching flight suit which I wore for the
9-25-05 "Tonic for the Troops" update here in JackOffLand. I wish I could do more for our troops than pose in military garb and mail packages to them, but I'm not in favor of the Iraq war and it seems more than a bit ludicrous to consider enlisting to go fight in this conflict. If anything, I would like to somehow help our veterans in their quest to obtain proper medical care and benefits upon their return home. They should not have to fight for that.

Thank you to all of our current and former military personnel around the world. My thoughts are with you and all the fallen servicemen and servicewomen who have died for our country. Your noble sacrifices have made our country the great place that it is.


- XXOO Tanya

Check out the beautiful new galleries of Goldie inside my Playhouse- you won't find them anywhere else!


- XXOO Tanya

Huh? I must not be awake yet:


TALLAHASSEE, Fla. (AP) - Florida Gov. Jeb Bush said he was privately approached about his interest in becoming the NFL's next commissioner.
Bush said Tuesday the issue was discussed at a recent meeting with Patrick Rooney Sr., according to the South Florida Sun-Sentinel.
Rooney's brother is Dan Rooney, owner of Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers and co-chair of the search committee looking to replace the retiring Paul Tagliabue.
"I met with Mr. Rooney and I said, 'I'm doing my job until I'm finished and then I'm going to consider other things,"' Bush told the newspaper.
Bush has said he will not run for president in 2008. His final term as governor ends in January, although he doesn't believe NFL officials will hold the position open until then.
Tagliabue, who has been commissioner since 1989, announced in March his decision to retire. Although he originally set a July 31 deadline to be out of the job, he has indicated his willingness to stay on longer.


- XXOO Tanya

Whiskey River Rage

Jewell Marceau and I were hanging out at a roadside bar in the desert hoping some cute truckers would stop by. No such luck. We sat there expectantly until the crotchety old barkeep decided to shut the place down for the night. We were disappointed, but not ready to give up yet. We asked the barkeep, an elderly woman with an astonishing resemblance to Phyllis Diller, where else we could go to meet some guys. With an evil cackle she recommended that we go hang out by the truck scales on Interstate 5. "Maybe you'll even make $20," she added.

It surprised me how fast Jewell ripped the woman's cheap wig off her head and dumped a beer on the tangled mop. The woman was screaming profanities at the top of her lungs as she chased us out the door. It was too late when she remembered that we hadn't paid our tab. I was already inside my car gunning the engine in a threatening manner when she began bellowing about the money. Maybe my perception was cloudy, but I think that my sideview mirror may have clipped her in the boob as I tore out of the dirt parking lot.

We decided it was best to go home. It was unclear to either of us exactly how bad our transgressions had been. The whole episode was kind of odd. After readjusting the side mirror and driving home we started playing darts in the livingroom. Jewell put on some country music because those cowboy songs always seem apropos when you're at a low ebb in your life. The sappy music was cranking at full volume when I noticed Jewell taking the very last swig out of the Jack Daniels bottle. That was the last drop of liquor in the house!

She laughed out loud when she saw the outrage on my face. I told her I was going to teach her the lesson of her life. The details of the resulting battle are a little bit murky in my mind, but I could swear a song called "Whiskey River Rage" was playing in the background..

You can see the outcome of this regrettable evening inside my Playhouse. Most days I just try and pretend that none of it ever even happened.


- XXOO Tanya

Good afternoon,

It looks like there's yet another good reason to wear a heavy-duty bra when out running errands:

TAMPA, Fla. - A 44-year-old woman escaped serious injury from a gunshot Sunday thanks to her seat belt and a thick bra strap, authorities said.
Robin Key, 44, of Riverview, Fla., was shot through the windshield of the car she was riding in Sunday. She said she felt a searing pain in her shoulder.
Hillsborough County sheriff's deputies said a .38-caliber bullet smashed through the windshield then bounced off Key's shoulder — thanks to a seat belt and a thick bra strap.

- XXOO Tanya

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Join me inside my Playhouse to see 5 exclusive new updates each week!

- XXOO Tanya

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Good morning,

I am knocking at the door of the Top 10 in the Body Rockin' Model Contest! Please vote for me to help get me in there. Here's the link:




- XXOO Tanya

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WARNING FOR ALL LADIES:



- XXOO Tanya

Stacy was laughing at me because I was dressed like a plumber. At least that is what she said. She told me she would be going to the Playboy Mansion without me because I looked too "white trash." I told her we both knew Playboy Playmates from trailer parks in Lancaster who had somehow managed to dress up their resumes so it really didn't matter if I wasn't wearing the garments of the nobility. She retorted that at least everyone at the Mansion looked good and she didn't want to be seen in the company of someone like me who looked like a transient. I told her to go fuck herself and began ripping her designer duds right off her body..

Needless to say it turned into an ugly spectacle. Come see the carnage at my archive site JackOffLand.com now!


- XXOO Tanya

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12:39 p.m. PST March 28, 2006
LOS ANGELES - NFL officials today invited Councilman Bernard Parks and the general manager of the Memorial Coliseum to give a formal presentation on their plans for a football stadium in Los Angeles. Parks and Patrick Lynch will discuss building a new stadium inside the facade of the historic Coliseum during the next National Football League owners' meeting, set for late April or early May, according to Parks' chief of staff, Bernard Parks Jr.
Parks and Lynch conducted informal talks with NFL officials this week during the owners' meeting in Orlando in hopes of gaining a formal place on the agenda for the group's next gathering.
The USC Trojans play at the Coliseum, but no professional football team has played there since the Raiders returned to Oakland after the 1994 season.
Outgoing NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue earlier this month reiterated his desire to see a pro team in Los Angeles before the end of the decade. Parks said an NFL presence would bring the city millions of dollars. Parks' plan calls for building a $500 million stadium inside the walls of the Coliseum, which hosted the 1932 and 1984 Summer Olympics. Construction would begin next year, with completion slated for 2009. Parks Jr. said it would be up to the NFL to decide which team -- an existing or expansion team -- would come to Los Angeles. But the city first needs to get NFL officials "to sign on the line" for the stadium project, he said.

- XXOO Tanya

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"What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?"

I stared at that message for an hour on the 405 freeway as I slowly made my way into the San Fernando Valley. It was on a bumper sticker affixed to the car in front of me and it was a valid question. Every time I tried to stop thinking about it my mind would find another angle of the issue to examine. Life really could be as much about the hokey-pokey as anything else. I tried fruitlessly to remember all the lyrics of the hokey-pokey song. It was a song, right? What exactly was the hokey-pokey anyways? It was a dance, right? Is it still a dance? Does anyone remember that song besides me? Evidently so, given the fact that someone made a bumper sticker to commemorate it. Or was their hokey-pokey different from my hokey-pokey? I didn't even really remember what my hokey-pokey was. I kinda sorta did, but I wouldn't have wanted to bet money that I was entirely correct.

It was eery how long I was behind the car with the hokey-pokey sticker. For a short while I became nervous that the driver might be going the same place I was. It would have been downright unsettling if the person turned out to be a friend of cameraman Mike Raffone. Fortunately the driver continued going straight as I turned on to Mike's street. I parked and headed into the shoot with my bag full of stripper gear. On this day I'd be shooting a sex scene with sweet, sexy Cherokee.

The scene should have gone well because I love working with Cherokee, but I could not shake off the hokey-pokey conundrum and enjoy the sex. She started getting mad and our scene quickly degenerated into a busty battle for supremacy..

Visit my archive site
www.JackOffLand.com to see who emerged victorious!


- XXOO Tanya

New at my archive site
www.JackOffLand.com


Lonnie Waters is incredibly beautiful. Her face is sublime and her body is tan and toned with perfect 34C boobs. She is a work of art. Photographers love her and her fans worship her. To make matters worse, she is also a very sweet person. It really is enough to make you sick. I tried to put a happy face on the situation when I was shooting with her. The grim reality was that I had about zero interest in spending a day with another model who was prettier, blonder, and thinner than I was, particularly when the event was being recorded on film. After about an hour of rehearsing our dialogue for a custom video I decided to beat the shit out of her. The trick was getting her to hit me first so I could play the victim and pretend she started it. Fortunately I'm quite good at that type of emotional subterfuge..

Visit my archive site
www.JackOffLand.com
to see my ugly plan take shape..


- XXOO Tanya

Good morning,

Would you like to join my mailing list and receive my sexy newsletter with photos? It's very simple. Please click the link below, enter your e-mail address anywhere on the form, and then click "Submit." That's all.


www.hotsexystrippers.com/wst_page3.html


Don't worry- I do not share or sell e-mail addresses under any circumstances.


- XXOO Tanya

Good afternoon,

Another catfight incident from my past has been archived at www.JackOffLand.com
Here's the behind-the-scenes story:

Jasae and I ordered some Japanese food when we were hanging out at my apartment. My cat Larry was standing next to me when I openned the door for the delivery driver. The driver was delighted by Larry and said: "Oh, wow! You have a Norwegian Forest Cat!" I laughed and told her that I had rescued Larry from a crack house in Lawndale and that I didn't think he was of any special pedigree. The woman was very insistent that he was indeed of Norwegian Forest descent. After she departed I got on the Net and looked up info on Norwegian Forest Cats. To my astonishment I discovered that the woman was probably correct. I love my animals regardless of their lineage, but I was enamored by all the Larry-type cats on the computer. Larry sat on my lap as we gazed at all his distant relatives. Jasae exhibited no interest at all in his feline genealogy and, finally, she commented:

"That dumpster-diving gato could be descended from royalty. It still doesn't change the fact that he spent his formative years inhaling second-hand methamphetamine smoke on 170th Street."

Suffice it to say that her comment was not overlooked by Larry's mother. In fact, I took the term "catfight" to a whole new level when I attacked Jasae with a level of ferocity that she had not seen from me before. I will admit that she is a very tough (albeit misguided) lady..


Don't miss this outrageous catfight gallery at my archive site www.JackOffLand.com !


www.JackOffLand.com/join.html



- XXOO Tanya

Here's an excerpt from a recent update at my archive site
www.JackOffLand.com :


Kianna and I have known each other for about 6 years or so. We originally met at a shoot for Busty Beauties magazine in 2000. Editor Morgan Hagen had booked Kianna, me, and Shay Sights to shoot some funny spoofs for the magazine. Shay and Kianna used to dance at the same club in Canada and had known each other for quite some time. I believe that Shay had hooked Kianna up with her first adult modelling jobs. At the time of the Busty Beauties shoot Kianna only did solo-girl and girl-girl work in the adult industry..


See the huge 10-page gallery at www.JackOffLand.com now!

www.JackOffLand.com/join.html


- XXOO Tanya

Carolyn Monroe borrowed my dress for a date. That was fine. She and I often exchange clothes because its hard to find stuff that fits over our 36DD boobs. The only problem was that she really liked her date and let hom blow a big load of cum all over my dress. Evidently she was too impatient to take it off before the magic moment. I really let her have it when she stumbled into our apartment at 3AM..

You can witness the carnage inside my Playhouse right now!

- XXOO Tanya

Here's an excerpt from my archive site
www.JackOffLand.com


"This tiny red dress was purchased at an online store. I had actually been trying to buy a long red dress to wear at a club in London that required the strippers to wear full-length "gowns" when they were working. I've never liked what I call "gown" clubs since the purpose of a strip club is to show some skin and the customers are there to see tits and ass no matter what the management wants to pretend. I'm a biker bar kind of person who likes down-to-earth people and can't stand pretentious attitudes. "Gown" clubs tend toattract the type of folks I don't get along with very well.. "

See the full gallery and read the rest of the story at
www.JackOffLand.com
now!


www.JackOffLand.com/join.html


- XXOO Tanya

I must have been feeling melancholy on that rainy afternoon. People in traffic around me were looking for opportunities to switch lanes, cut each other off, and accelerate with a flourish of gear-shifting noises. I wondered half-heartedly why they felt it was so important to arrive at their destinations 2 minutes earlier than if they had just stayed in one lane and gone with the flow. Everybody was in too much of a needless rush these days. They were frantic to go nowhere. As I pondered my life in the slow lane a bright red BMW 650ci passed me illegally on the shoulder of the road and roared into my lane just inches in front of me. I was forced to slam on the brakes with such force that my body lurched forward and my coffee flew out of the drink holder between the seats. When I regained my composure I could see the red Beemer cutting in and out of lanes ahead of me. All that was visible of the driver were her platinum blonde hair and her well-manicured hand flicking a cigarette out the window.

Half an hour later I arrived at my shoot. I noticed a gleaming red 650 parked in the driveway of the location as I pulled in. All of a sudden the proverbial dime dropped in my head. That was Stacy Burke's vehicle and she was the bitch who cut me off on the freeway! I stormed into the studio and confronted her. At first she looked startled, but then she laughed in my face and said: "I can't believe that was you driving that piece-of-shit Volkswagen!" She was still laughing when I smacked her upside her platinum blonde head. All her mirth was quickly forgotten as this ugly battle quickly escalated to outrageous proportions..


- XXOO Tanya

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Good evening,

Would you like to have my black lace micro-bikini? And the copy of Private Dancer magazine in which I'm wearing it?

Please check out my auctions by clicking on Merchandise in the toolbar above!


- XXOO Tanya

Good evening,

Here is an excerpt from my archive site www.JackOffLand.com :

"The only time I worked with (name withheld) was during the making of a superheroine-themed 'Megababe' video. I was Megababe and (name withheld) was the evil villain. These photos were taken the day we shot the video. (Name withheld) really got into her villain role. So into it that the cameraman called me as he was editing the video afterward to ask if I was OK. He said he was not aware during the filming that (name withheld) was so violent. Copies of the finished video are presumably still available at www.CustomVideosPlus.com. For the record, I found (name withheld) to be a nice lady. I think her aggressiveness arose from her zeal to make a good video, rather than from the mere desire to beat me up. That makes a big difference when one has to endure repeated blows to the face and applications of burning candle wax to the body during the course of a shoot.."



Find out the identity of "name withheld" at www.JackOffLand.com now!


- XXOO Tanya

Good morning,

This tribute to the Monday traffic commute comes from my friend Joe. Thanks, Joe!


- XXOO Tanya

Good evening,

My roommate Jewell Marceau was dating a 38-year-old guy who lived with his mother so he could make the $1000 monthly payments on his Mercedes. Does that type of situation happen anywhere else besides L.A.? Are there other cities where people drive around in what amounts to their net worth? Wouldn't it be disturbing to realize that your net worth was a depreciating asset? I don't know the answer to those questions, but I do know that I had to make Jewell get rid of that loser. I absolutely forbade her to bring him over to our place. Not only that, I threw out every picture she had of him, and everything he had ever given her. Jewell accepted all this with very little resistance. It was a bit suspicious how compliant she was being. Of course I had to search her bedroom to see if there was evidence that she might possibly be flouting the rules. Good thing I did because I found a bottle of lube! She denied that she was still seeing the Mercedes-driving shithead, but I was not convinced. It seemed to me that a little dose of physical brutality might very well help her rethink her dating habits.

Check inside my Playhouse to see this nasty catfight erupt!


- XXOO Tanya

Stacy Burke and I often get hired for custom videos together. Recently a gentleman prepaid us for one. We told him to spend as much time as he needed to come up with the perfect script. A few days went by and I decided to take his money to the dog park to double our earnings. Everything was going great until I lost all the money. A blue-haired granny at the table next to me informed me that a novice like myself wasn't ready to "run with the big dogs yet." I felt like smacking the shit out of her. I checked that impulse and went on home to inform Stacy that I'd blown the money. Of course I cleaned the story up a bit and told her that I'd been mugged on my way to the grocery store. She didn't buy it. Not for a second. She also didn't fancy the idea of doing an hourlong custom video for free. Before I knew it, she was throwing a pair of boxing gloves in my face and we were getting ready to duke it out right there in the living room..

You can see the outcome of this battle royale right inside my Playhouse..


- XXOO Tanya

Good morning,

A short while ago I began accepting money order payments for my archive site
www.JackOffLand.com
If you wish to join via money order I have developed special membership rates just for you:

1 month membership - $9.95

3 month membership - $25.00

6 month membership - $50.00

Yearlong membership - $100.00 (Our best deal!)

For further instructions please visit
www.JackOffLand.com/join.html



I look forward to seeing you there :)

- XXOO Tanya

Another day, another fight in my Playhouse:

It's been awhile since Carolyn Monroe and I hung out together. Still, she's been over to my place at least a thousand times and it seemed unnecessary for her to ask why I have silver tinsel decorating my table lamp. Not only did it seem unnecessary, it also appeared that the question might have been intended as a pointed insult. Here I'd been expecting Carolyn to relax and swill a few beers with me, and instead I found myself fielding queries about my furniture. I'm not a decorator. I didn't even put that tinsel there for effect. Somehow it ended up on my lamp after a drunken night of debauchery when I was dancing around naked on my balcony with the shade on my head. Carolyn knew that already. Was she trying to make me feel self-conscious about my excessive drinking? Why would she attempt the impossible? Was I misinterpreting her question? Who cared anyways? I was already one sixpack into my evening and her flippant tone was all the justification I needed to bash her perfect 36DDs into my industrial carpet..

Check inside my Playhouse to see this violent, drunken spectacle!


- XXOO Tanya

Good afternoon,

Here's an excerpt and a photo from the recent "Bad Girl" update to my archive site www.JackOffLand.com :

I wore a uniform in highschool and always had the shortest skirt of anyone. It was commented upon by other people. It seems a bit odd that I went out of my way to wear short skirts at a girls' school, but maybe I was just struggling with my identity or needed attention. The highschool I went to, Castilleja School in Palo Alto, California, was not a place that would have been construed by anyone as being sexy or hip. It was highly regarded academically and the attendees, faculty, and alumnae were mostly insufferable in my estimation. I never wanted to be there and could not wait to go experience the real world. It was kind of sad how ill-equipped I was to handle the "real world" when I finally confronted it. My first year at UCLA was a revelation. I began dancing at bachelor parties and strip clubs that first year and..

Come visit me at
www.JackOffLand.com
to see the naked pics and read the rest of the story!

- XXOO Tanya

Good evening,

Who are those hot babes wearing red in the pic above?

Why, that is my friend Summer Cummings and me! Hehe..I never refer to myself as a "hot babe" unless I'm joking around, but Summer is definitely one sizzling sexpot.

Summer and I want to do a sexy video for you. Right now we have an auction going on that will allow the highest bidder to direct us in a mind-blowing scene! You can access our auction by clicking on Merchandise in the toolbar above.

You don't want to miss this one!

- XXOO Tanya

Here's a snippet from the latest update to my archive site
www.JackOffLand.com :


Francesca Le was a man-stealing bitch who needed to
pay a price. I don't mind admitting that I attacked
her when she was down. Literally. She was down on the
mat doing situps at the gym when I sat right on her
face and cut off her air. It only took about an hour
of relentless face-sitting, boob-smothering, and
choking to make her apologize. After her tearful
apologies she agreed to assist me in luring that slimy
prick Alex to the gym so we could kick the crap out of
him. He was the worthless loser who came between us in
the first place.

In the gallery at
www.JackOffLand.com
you can witness Francesca
and me subjecting Alex to torture worse than anything
he ever could have imagined in his young punk life.
When we were through he didn't just wish that he
hadn't cheated on me, he wished that he had never been
born.


- XXOO Tanya

Good evening,

Did you know that I'm a professional boxer? Yep, appearances can be deceiving. You can check me out in all my topless ferocity at http://sports.groups.yahoo.com/group/DTWTBABoxing/
This is where Oscar de la Hoya would be boxing if he had boobs :)

My coach, ultimate fighter Frank Trigg (see pic), will be fighting tomorrow night in the Rumble on the Rock 8 World Welterweight Championships in Hawaii. If you'd like to catch the free, live, play-by-play action from the fight you can listen in at
www.MMAlive.com
this evening!


- XXOO Tanya

Good evening,

I'd like to invite you into my Playhouse to see my new boob job! Before last week I was a mere 36DD and now I am a 36EE. You can see how they look in the pic to the right- I could barely fit into my lavender bustier.

Hehehe...I'm just kidding. I don't want to lure anybody into my Playhouse under false pretenses. No new boob job, but my boobs do look especially huge in the new Lavender Bustier gallery if you want to check it out inside :)


- XXOO Tanya

The other week cameraman Mike Raffone called and told me that a gentleman wanted to book me for a custom shoot with Harley Raine. I happily told him the dates I was available and we hung up. Days passed and there was no further word from Mike. Finally I called him and asked when Harley and I would be doing the shoot. He replied that the man booking the shoot had replaced me with Stacy Burke because he thought that I wasn't sexy enough. I digested this information and started getting angry. I could live with the fact that Stacy was going to do the shoot instead of me, but I wanted to put a little pain in her life. It only took a few shots of vodka for me to hatch the perfect plan. Within minutes I was on the phone with Harley, telling her a few facts about Stacy. Actually, they weren't facts at all. Everything I said was pure fiction designed to make Harley's blood boil. I told Harley that Stacy had called her a dumb stripper from the East Coast who should pack up her huge breast implants and move back to Maryland. According to me, Stacy had also said that Harley was also a two-bit pornstar who did not even deserve to stand in front of the same camera as a serious actress such as herself. Hehehe - it worked like a charm! I could barely conceal my delight when I heard that a huge catfight had broken out at Mike Raffone's apartment on the day of the shoot. Check inside my Playhouse to see the photographic evidence of this nasty brouhaha now!


- XXOO Tanya

Good evening,

I have lots of new items up for auction! Included among them is this floral dress which will go to the highest bidder along with a copy of my XXX DVD High Desert Dreamgirls. I wore this sexy dress in a hot scene I did with beautiful, blonde, busty Nina Ferrari out in the California desert. It also appears in numerous galleries I have at my archive site
www.JackOffLand.com


You can access my current auctions by clicking on Merchandise in the toolbar above.

Happy bidding!


- XXOO Tanya

I've never worn a feather boa onstage when I was dancing. It seems that feather boas were invented for strippers and I do wear every other type of gaudy, Dolly Parton-esque stripper garment. Despite amassing piles of absurdly high heels, rhinestone-studded bikinis, and mirrored minidresses I had never purchased a feather boa until 2004 when I was shopping for clothes to use in a shoot for my Playhouse here. I've still never performed with it while dancing, but I wore it for this gallery, another gallery, and a video which all appeared in my Playhouse. Maybe I haven't brought it to the club because it takes up more space in my duffel bag than all the other skimpy clothes combined.

Check out the entire "Feather" gallery at my archive site
http://www.JackOffLand.com
now!

- XXOO Tanya

Good evening,

There's always a nasty story behind the catfights in my Playhouse. I've got issues and I try to work them out:

If you come to my place you will see a stain in the ceiling of my livingroom. It is a bloodstain that dripped through the floorboards of the apartment above when the former occupant was killed at home. Rumor has it he was with the Russian Mafia. Is there such a thing as a Russian Mafia? "Mafia" has to be one of the most overused words in the English language. Every wanna-be bad guy claims to be a part of some type of "mafia." I have no idea what precipitated the death of my neighbor upstairs nor do I know whether he was really with some clandestine group of criminals or not. In any case, the blood pooling inside my ceiling did prompt me to cover my teal green couch with a slipcover. I certainly would not want any bloodstains on that classic piece of furniture.

Shannan Leigh came over and snottily commented that I must be really broke if I was recycling bedsheets to cover up my shabby home decor. Yep, that's what she said. I was determined to show Miss High-and-Mighty a thing or two after her unwelcome remark. It was not an easy fight. Check inside my Playhouse to see the final outcome of this emotionally-charged debacle..


- XXOO Tanya

You know you are schlocked at the New Year's party when you go to take a swig out of your bottle, can't find your own mouth, and pour champagne down your back instead. And then you end up posting your New Year's greeting on the 2nd day of the new year because you don't remember what you did on the 1st.


Happy New Year!!


- XXOO Tanya

BIG BOOB BOXING BATTLE


Sometimes people secretly hate you. It's unfortunate that they won't come right out and say it. Their subtle put-downs and needless jockeying for what they perceive to be the upper hand gets really irritating. Maybe those folks have a need for you or maybe they have a weird love/hate obsession with you. Either way, I always try and avoid those type of screwed up individuals and it's usually pretty easy to do so. Unfortunately my friend Shannan Leigh inadvertantly brought one of them right back into my orbit recently. I asked Shannan to help me book another model for a shoot we had scheduled. On the appointed day she showed up with this one dumb-ass broad whose name I will not mention. The woman in question has to be the dumbest ass of all the dumb-asses I've ever worked with. She tries to hide her painful insecurity by bragging about her dubious accomplishments and lobbing sly insults at me. Shooting a video with her is no walk in the park. It gets so bad that I feel like her personality is contagious. I told Shannan that there was no way I could do another shoot with this woman. Shannan told me I had no choice. There was no hope of an amicable agreement on this subject so we agreed to don boxing gloves and duke it out in the back room of the studio! The stakes were high because the loser would have to do the shoot with the despicable model. Enter my Playhouse to see just who was the victor in this no-holds-barred, boob-punching bonanza..


- XXOO Tanya

Good afternoon,

Who would wear this 1980's-style aerobics outfit to the gym in this day and age? I would, of course. I miss my job at Hooter's and look for any excuse to put on shiny spandex tights.

Check out the full, ultra-shiny gallery in my Playhouse now. (You'll feel like you've gone back in time and are working out on a Nautilus machine at one of those now-defunct 24-hr aerobics studios!)


- XXOO Tanya

Good evening,

I have numerous auctions of my personal items going on right now. Among them is an exclusive, limited-edition poster (see pic above) shot by photographer Marcus. There are only 5 in existence and there will never be more of them made.

You can access my auctions by clicking on Merchandise in the toolbar above.


- XXOO Tanya

Good evening,

Many have asked to see the man behind the legend. The Chairman of the WTBA has attained a level of prestige among boxing fans that has not been seen since the heyday of Don King himself. (Or is Don King still in his heyday?)

The pic above shows Chairman Andy at the Glamourcon convention in Los Angeles this past November. He is flanked by two of his star fighters, Hollywood and myself. Who else might be lurking in the Chairman's stable? You could his ask loquacious nephew Wes or you can visit http://sports.groups.yahoo.com/group/DTWTBABoxing to see what or who is next on this International Playboy's agenda!


- XXOO Tanya

Good afternoon,

Who is that demented laughing woman?

Oh, that's me. I must have had too much punch at the Christmas Party :)


Come inside and join the fun in the Playhouse!


- XXOO Tanya

Good evening,

Here's the story behind last weekend's update to my archive site JackOffLand.com:

There was an occasion in the past when Francesca Le came to my house and criticized my home decorating. I thought that she displayed a ruthless disregard for both my hospitality and my feelings. As a matter of fact that episode occurred this past May and the events of the evening are duly recorded in my JackOffLand update of 10/8/05 with plenty of photographic evidence. Adding injury to insult Francesca proved to be the better woman that day when she kicked my ass. I was humiliated but my spirit was not defeated. I knew that someday I would even the score. I vowed to train harder, be stronger, go to the gym religiously, and take martial arts classes so that she would have no chance against me in our next battle because there WOULD be a next battle. Months passed by and I did little else besides dance in a bar, drink vodka, and go to the occasional photo shoot. Undaunted by my own lack of self-discipline I decided that I would still reclaim my street credibility and challenge Francesca on her own turf. With a bandanna covering most of my face and a cap pulled down low on my brow I broke into her home at 4AM last week..

Please check inside JackOffLand.com to see the outcome of THIS battle!


- XXOO Tanya

Good afternoon,

There are lots of my personal items up for auction right now. The bra and shorts I'm wearing in the pic to the right are among them. I wore those in an orgy scene in late director Jim Holliday's Midnight Librarians. As you can see pornstars Belladonna, Calli Cox, Monica Mayhem, and Scarlet Fever were in that scene too. The winning bidder of my shorts and sexy bra receives a signed DVD copy of Midnight Librarians as well.

You can access my auctions by clicking on Merchandise in the toolbar above!


- XXOO Tanya