Hello,
The following thoughts were exchanged on the Playhouse bulletin board between myself and a member right after I put up my musings here on the front page in the post of 7/29/03. (Please just scroll down here if you want to read that 7/29 post.) I thought his reaction was important and provided a profoundly honest perspective. Here is his response to my statements of 7/29 and my feedback to his words:

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Date 7/31/2003 - 10:02 PM


Comment: Hey Tanya, I was wondering about your last post regarding sexually confident women and how men degrade or attempt to control. I feel that the men are afraid they can't perform to her satisfaction and are attempting to divert their fear of not being good enough by degrading or insulting or even controling. To be honest I probably would be afraid myself because i've never truly met a woman so confident but I would love to try to please her and enjoy the time together. I might fail at first but i would be willing to work to do better. Just my two cents worth. (name withheld)



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Date 7/31/2003 - 11:13 PM
Name Tanya
Comment: (Name withheld), I think you hit the nail on the head with your words. A lot of men nurse those same kind of fears to varying degrees, but they shouldn't. It's not possible to fail when you are sensitive and caring and try to please your partner. Being receptive and responsive are the most important things. When I speak of sexually confident women, I'm referring to women who enjoy their bodies and enjoy sex without felling guilty about it. I'm not referring to superficial women who expect a lover with the physique of a gay porn star and the endurance to match. Good sex is about both mutual respect and mutual enjoyment. I think a lot of couples jump into bed too quickly. There would be much more of a comfort level between them if they developed other aspects of their relationship first. That sounds ironic coming from someone who does porno, but that's how I've always let relationships progress in my personal life. I know men have a lot of ego in regards to their anatomy, libido and "performance ability," but they should never have anything to worry about if they take the time to get to know a woman and there's more involved than just a one night stand. Most women don't have unrealistic expectations just because they like sex. They care just as much about satisfying their lover, and they have no interest in judging him. *****

A lot of dialogue, such as the above, that has come up on the bulletin board has been very thought-provoking and interesting. I honestly had not anticipated the degree of interaction that I have come to experience daily with all of you wonderful members. Joanne, the terrific webmaster here, had included the bulletin board when she built the Playhouse earlier this year. Back then I thought it would be just a minor addendum to the video/ photo content. I am so happy that it has evolved to such an extent where so many members (and myself!) are actively posting their thoughts and feelings. It is very gratifying and heartwarming to belong to such a community. --- XXOO Tanya