I must have been feeling melancholy on that rainy afternoon. People in traffic around me were looking for opportunities to switch lanes, cut each other off, and accelerate with a flourish of gear-shifting noises. I wondered half-heartedly why they felt it was so important to arrive at their destinations 2 minutes earlier than if they had just stayed in one lane and gone with the flow. Everybody was in too much of a needless rush these days. They were frantic to go nowhere. As I pondered my life in the slow lane a bright red BMW 650ci passed me illegally on the shoulder of the road and roared into my lane just inches in front of me. I was forced to slam on the brakes with such force that my body lurched forward and my coffee flew out of the drink holder between the seats. When I regained my composure I could see the red Beemer cutting in and out of lanes ahead of me. All that was visible of the driver were her platinum blonde hair and her well-manicured hand flicking a cigarette out the window.

Half an hour later I arrived at my shoot. I noticed a gleaming red 650 parked in the driveway of the location as I pulled in. All of a sudden the proverbial dime dropped in my head. That was Stacy Burke's vehicle and she was the bitch who cut me off on the freeway! I stormed into the studio and confronted her. At first she looked startled, but then she laughed in my face and said: "I can't believe that was you driving that piece-of-shit Volkswagen!" She was still laughing when I smacked her upside her platinum blonde head. All her mirth was quickly forgotten as this ugly battle quickly escalated to outrageous proportions..


- XXOO Tanya

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Good evening,

Would you like to have my black lace micro-bikini? And the copy of Private Dancer magazine in which I'm wearing it?

Please check out my auctions by clicking on Merchandise in the toolbar above!


- XXOO Tanya

Good evening,

Here is an excerpt from my archive site www.JackOffLand.com :

"The only time I worked with (name withheld) was during the making of a superheroine-themed 'Megababe' video. I was Megababe and (name withheld) was the evil villain. These photos were taken the day we shot the video. (Name withheld) really got into her villain role. So into it that the cameraman called me as he was editing the video afterward to ask if I was OK. He said he was not aware during the filming that (name withheld) was so violent. Copies of the finished video are presumably still available at www.CustomVideosPlus.com. For the record, I found (name withheld) to be a nice lady. I think her aggressiveness arose from her zeal to make a good video, rather than from the mere desire to beat me up. That makes a big difference when one has to endure repeated blows to the face and applications of burning candle wax to the body during the course of a shoot.."



Find out the identity of "name withheld" at www.JackOffLand.com now!


- XXOO Tanya

Good morning,

This tribute to the Monday traffic commute comes from my friend Joe. Thanks, Joe!


- XXOO Tanya

Good evening,

My roommate Jewell Marceau was dating a 38-year-old guy who lived with his mother so he could make the $1000 monthly payments on his Mercedes. Does that type of situation happen anywhere else besides L.A.? Are there other cities where people drive around in what amounts to their net worth? Wouldn't it be disturbing to realize that your net worth was a depreciating asset? I don't know the answer to those questions, but I do know that I had to make Jewell get rid of that loser. I absolutely forbade her to bring him over to our place. Not only that, I threw out every picture she had of him, and everything he had ever given her. Jewell accepted all this with very little resistance. It was a bit suspicious how compliant she was being. Of course I had to search her bedroom to see if there was evidence that she might possibly be flouting the rules. Good thing I did because I found a bottle of lube! She denied that she was still seeing the Mercedes-driving shithead, but I was not convinced. It seemed to me that a little dose of physical brutality might very well help her rethink her dating habits.

Check inside my Playhouse to see this nasty catfight erupt!


- XXOO Tanya

Stacy Burke and I often get hired for custom videos together. Recently a gentleman prepaid us for one. We told him to spend as much time as he needed to come up with the perfect script. A few days went by and I decided to take his money to the dog park to double our earnings. Everything was going great until I lost all the money. A blue-haired granny at the table next to me informed me that a novice like myself wasn't ready to "run with the big dogs yet." I felt like smacking the shit out of her. I checked that impulse and went on home to inform Stacy that I'd blown the money. Of course I cleaned the story up a bit and told her that I'd been mugged on my way to the grocery store. She didn't buy it. Not for a second. She also didn't fancy the idea of doing an hourlong custom video for free. Before I knew it, she was throwing a pair of boxing gloves in my face and we were getting ready to duke it out right there in the living room..

You can see the outcome of this battle royale right inside my Playhouse..


- XXOO Tanya

Good morning,

A short while ago I began accepting money order payments for my archive site
www.JackOffLand.com
If you wish to join via money order I have developed special membership rates just for you:

1 month membership - $9.95

3 month membership - $25.00

6 month membership - $50.00

Yearlong membership - $100.00 (Our best deal!)

For further instructions please visit
www.JackOffLand.com/join.html



I look forward to seeing you there :)

- XXOO Tanya

Another day, another fight in my Playhouse:

It's been awhile since Carolyn Monroe and I hung out together. Still, she's been over to my place at least a thousand times and it seemed unnecessary for her to ask why I have silver tinsel decorating my table lamp. Not only did it seem unnecessary, it also appeared that the question might have been intended as a pointed insult. Here I'd been expecting Carolyn to relax and swill a few beers with me, and instead I found myself fielding queries about my furniture. I'm not a decorator. I didn't even put that tinsel there for effect. Somehow it ended up on my lamp after a drunken night of debauchery when I was dancing around naked on my balcony with the shade on my head. Carolyn knew that already. Was she trying to make me feel self-conscious about my excessive drinking? Why would she attempt the impossible? Was I misinterpreting her question? Who cared anyways? I was already one sixpack into my evening and her flippant tone was all the justification I needed to bash her perfect 36DDs into my industrial carpet..

Check inside my Playhouse to see this violent, drunken spectacle!


- XXOO Tanya

Good afternoon,

Here's an excerpt and a photo from the recent "Bad Girl" update to my archive site www.JackOffLand.com :

I wore a uniform in highschool and always had the shortest skirt of anyone. It was commented upon by other people. It seems a bit odd that I went out of my way to wear short skirts at a girls' school, but maybe I was just struggling with my identity or needed attention. The highschool I went to, Castilleja School in Palo Alto, California, was not a place that would have been construed by anyone as being sexy or hip. It was highly regarded academically and the attendees, faculty, and alumnae were mostly insufferable in my estimation. I never wanted to be there and could not wait to go experience the real world. It was kind of sad how ill-equipped I was to handle the "real world" when I finally confronted it. My first year at UCLA was a revelation. I began dancing at bachelor parties and strip clubs that first year and..

Come visit me at
www.JackOffLand.com
to see the naked pics and read the rest of the story!

- XXOO Tanya

Good evening,

Who are those hot babes wearing red in the pic above?

Why, that is my friend Summer Cummings and me! Hehe..I never refer to myself as a "hot babe" unless I'm joking around, but Summer is definitely one sizzling sexpot.

Summer and I want to do a sexy video for you. Right now we have an auction going on that will allow the highest bidder to direct us in a mind-blowing scene! You can access our auction by clicking on Merchandise in the toolbar above.

You don't want to miss this one!

- XXOO Tanya

Here's a snippet from the latest update to my archive site
www.JackOffLand.com :


Francesca Le was a man-stealing bitch who needed to
pay a price. I don't mind admitting that I attacked
her when she was down. Literally. She was down on the
mat doing situps at the gym when I sat right on her
face and cut off her air. It only took about an hour
of relentless face-sitting, boob-smothering, and
choking to make her apologize. After her tearful
apologies she agreed to assist me in luring that slimy
prick Alex to the gym so we could kick the crap out of
him. He was the worthless loser who came between us in
the first place.

In the gallery at
www.JackOffLand.com
you can witness Francesca
and me subjecting Alex to torture worse than anything
he ever could have imagined in his young punk life.
When we were through he didn't just wish that he
hadn't cheated on me, he wished that he had never been
born.


- XXOO Tanya

Good evening,

Did you know that I'm a professional boxer? Yep, appearances can be deceiving. You can check me out in all my topless ferocity at http://sports.groups.yahoo.com/group/DTWTBABoxing/
This is where Oscar de la Hoya would be boxing if he had boobs :)

My coach, ultimate fighter Frank Trigg (see pic), will be fighting tomorrow night in the Rumble on the Rock 8 World Welterweight Championships in Hawaii. If you'd like to catch the free, live, play-by-play action from the fight you can listen in at
www.MMAlive.com
this evening!


- XXOO Tanya

Good evening,

I'd like to invite you into my Playhouse to see my new boob job! Before last week I was a mere 36DD and now I am a 36EE. You can see how they look in the pic to the right- I could barely fit into my lavender bustier.

Hehehe...I'm just kidding. I don't want to lure anybody into my Playhouse under false pretenses. No new boob job, but my boobs do look especially huge in the new Lavender Bustier gallery if you want to check it out inside :)


- XXOO Tanya

The other week cameraman Mike Raffone called and told me that a gentleman wanted to book me for a custom shoot with Harley Raine. I happily told him the dates I was available and we hung up. Days passed and there was no further word from Mike. Finally I called him and asked when Harley and I would be doing the shoot. He replied that the man booking the shoot had replaced me with Stacy Burke because he thought that I wasn't sexy enough. I digested this information and started getting angry. I could live with the fact that Stacy was going to do the shoot instead of me, but I wanted to put a little pain in her life. It only took a few shots of vodka for me to hatch the perfect plan. Within minutes I was on the phone with Harley, telling her a few facts about Stacy. Actually, they weren't facts at all. Everything I said was pure fiction designed to make Harley's blood boil. I told Harley that Stacy had called her a dumb stripper from the East Coast who should pack up her huge breast implants and move back to Maryland. According to me, Stacy had also said that Harley was also a two-bit pornstar who did not even deserve to stand in front of the same camera as a serious actress such as herself. Hehehe - it worked like a charm! I could barely conceal my delight when I heard that a huge catfight had broken out at Mike Raffone's apartment on the day of the shoot. Check inside my Playhouse to see the photographic evidence of this nasty brouhaha now!


- XXOO Tanya

Good evening,

I have lots of new items up for auction! Included among them is this floral dress which will go to the highest bidder along with a copy of my XXX DVD High Desert Dreamgirls. I wore this sexy dress in a hot scene I did with beautiful, blonde, busty Nina Ferrari out in the California desert. It also appears in numerous galleries I have at my archive site
www.JackOffLand.com


You can access my current auctions by clicking on Merchandise in the toolbar above.

Happy bidding!


- XXOO Tanya

I've never worn a feather boa onstage when I was dancing. It seems that feather boas were invented for strippers and I do wear every other type of gaudy, Dolly Parton-esque stripper garment. Despite amassing piles of absurdly high heels, rhinestone-studded bikinis, and mirrored minidresses I had never purchased a feather boa until 2004 when I was shopping for clothes to use in a shoot for my Playhouse here. I've still never performed with it while dancing, but I wore it for this gallery, another gallery, and a video which all appeared in my Playhouse. Maybe I haven't brought it to the club because it takes up more space in my duffel bag than all the other skimpy clothes combined.

Check out the entire "Feather" gallery at my archive site
http://www.JackOffLand.com
now!

- XXOO Tanya

Good evening,

There's always a nasty story behind the catfights in my Playhouse. I've got issues and I try to work them out:

If you come to my place you will see a stain in the ceiling of my livingroom. It is a bloodstain that dripped through the floorboards of the apartment above when the former occupant was killed at home. Rumor has it he was with the Russian Mafia. Is there such a thing as a Russian Mafia? "Mafia" has to be one of the most overused words in the English language. Every wanna-be bad guy claims to be a part of some type of "mafia." I have no idea what precipitated the death of my neighbor upstairs nor do I know whether he was really with some clandestine group of criminals or not. In any case, the blood pooling inside my ceiling did prompt me to cover my teal green couch with a slipcover. I certainly would not want any bloodstains on that classic piece of furniture.

Shannan Leigh came over and snottily commented that I must be really broke if I was recycling bedsheets to cover up my shabby home decor. Yep, that's what she said. I was determined to show Miss High-and-Mighty a thing or two after her unwelcome remark. It was not an easy fight. Check inside my Playhouse to see the final outcome of this emotionally-charged debacle..


- XXOO Tanya

You know you are schlocked at the New Year's party when you go to take a swig out of your bottle, can't find your own mouth, and pour champagne down your back instead. And then you end up posting your New Year's greeting on the 2nd day of the new year because you don't remember what you did on the 1st.


Happy New Year!!


- XXOO Tanya